Still Here....

Hemming and hawing about what to do with J next year. Actually, no, I take that back, that's not really true....my decision is more or less made at this point,  unless a new option surfaces before our July IEP meeting.

So right now, I think we're just going to ask for county service providers to come to our current preschool and see him there. The other options would either require me to pull him out of our nearby preschool to do a county one, or supplement with a county one that would put him in school virtually all day every day and on a pretty ridiculously tight schedule at that. It's just too much, more than we need to add to our lives and more service than I think he needs, quite honestly.  And also, pulling him out of our regular preschool isn't an option. Nope. No way. I value the community and "family" there way too much. The county pre-k may have the upper hand when it comes to understanding, teaching, and engaging kids on the spectrum...and yes, that's huge... but they do not have the history with our family... and they aren't a group of people who have genuinely loved and cared for all my my children over the years. So if I can't have both, I choose the one that is "home".

It might not be the decision that will help close the social gap as quickly as possible, but I'm pretty sure it's the best decision for his emotional well-being and our family's stress level, both of which I feel strongly need to be taken into consideration. I also think that ultimately, he will be just fine.

Not gonna lie, it feels sort of wrong to turn down recommendations of his team... I am such a people pleaser and I tend to defer to experts, plus I really respect these people. I need to get over it though, because as well as some of them know him, and even though they have his best interests at heart,  I still know him best and know what will work for us. (still... SO hard for me to make this call!)

In other news, J is doing really great at summer camp! It's just basically an extra two weeks at his preschool, but nothing is the same other than that. He adjusted wonderfully to a new classroom, new teacher, and new kids, which astounded me. There hasn't been a single instance of crying at drop-off and he is having a blast! Seems maybe the new routine has done him a world of good!

Complicated....

Some days, I think I just want off the early intervention train. Sigh.  J looks so good these days, too good,  and I keep questioning what in the heck we are doing at this point besides taking a spot from another kid who needs the help way more. I also get so tired of explaining to people why we're doing what we're doing.

Summer is super complicated. Fall is looking even more so. Do I just want out? I think I might want out.

Edited to add: You know, I write this and hen I hear something like how he wouldn't eat his lunch at school the other day because I packed it in a different lunchbox. (we had left the regular one at school the day before) ARRGH....

I had a neat chance encounter with a second grade teacher at the boys' school this afternoon.

She had stopped to ask J what was he was playing on my iPhone and we joked about kids and technology....three-year-olds knowing how to text... that sort of thing.  I told her how J's infants and toddlers teacher once remarked how she sees all the time how these little ones often have all this dexterity to operate iPhones and iPads, but not the ability to do old-fashioned things like peg puzzles.   (in his defense, J can do both these days....  LOL... but you get the point...)

It was an off-handed comment, but after that, she ended up asking me why he was with I&T.

In my head I was thinking, "How much time do you have, lady?"

So I started with the short version, which I always give to people who I'm not sure are actually interested in talking about it. (because, like most parents in my shoes, I can talk at great length on this topic if you open the door....).  She kept asking me more and more questions, so I decided she must actually want to know, and I ended up giving her the long version.

She was FASCINATED.... talked about how she sees kids like him all the time in her classes who can't qualify for services because their social issues aren't "educationally impactful" (this is truth... we are VERY lucky J qualified!) She talked about how many times she has gone to bat for a kid she KNOWS is on the spectrum but no one else sees it and even parents are in denial. She said how great it was that he was getting help now and how much it will benefit him once he gets to elementary school.

(YES! Someone who gets it!)

And then? Get this... I gave my standard line about how yeah, hopefully all this intervention will prepare him well for elementary school  I'm sure he'll probably do fine once he gets there... yada yada yada....(I always say this because at this point in the conversation, usually people are looking at me with that expression that says: "What are you talking about? He's, like, talking and stuff,  and he LOOKS fine....and also, I would please like to end this conversation now because you have told me more than I really wanted to know in the first place.... " ) Then they usually nod and they smile and agree with me and we both go our separate ways or go back to awkwardly talking about the weather.

But do you want to know what she said to me?! Do you know?! Do you? Do you?! I know you do! (or should we just go back to talking about the weather? I'm not a great judge of these things...)

She said, "Well, but he might NOT do okay in all ways when he gets here...."

Hello, truth.  There you go. Just like that.

And without missing a beat, she went on to tell me about the kids she sees who struggle with the social stuff and what she tries to do to help when she notices that sort of thing in a child in her class.

(She REALLY gets it!)

We talked more about how struggles with peer interaction could be a big deal and yes, impact a child's education.  She said I actually gave her some great ideas for things to say when she goes to team meetings to help qualify these kids for services who wouldn't otherwise get them.

Did you hear that? I taught a teacher something!

(And also? SHE GETS IT!)

It was a great conversation that included lots more insights on her part that I can't really summarize here and not have this be a novel.

It's just always nice to talk to someone who has a genuine interest in a topic that has become a huge part of our lives. I'm so glad she was put in my path today!

Teacher Appreciation Week....

One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings. The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child. -Carl Jung

It really should go without saying that I sincerely appreciate the HECK out of my kids' teachers... to the point where they probably get tired of hearing me say, "Thank you so much! You're awesome!"(I know that doesn't seem like something someone would get tired of hearing, but trust me, I can be super annoying) .

I've always held them in the highest regard,a lesson learned from watching my own mom with my teachers over the years; but when you have a child (or children) who needs extra help, you develop a whole new kind of admiration for all teachers do to make sure your kids don't fall through the cracks.

For my kids, it really is a total team effort between home and school and without teachers who care,  all three of them would be most definitely not be doing as well as they are. I can't possibly say thank you enough times or in enough ways to make teachers understand just *how much* I appreciate all they do for my kids and how much it means to me.

Every new school year,  I brace myself for the change and the learning curve. HATE the learning curve. HATE the change. I'd be a mom who was quite happy to have one fabulous teacher follow my child all the way through school. B was fortunate enough to have had a teacher loop with him this year and it was just SO nice. Brand new school year and he started it with one teacher who already knew him, already knew me, already knew what he needed help with,  and whose classroom was a safe place for him to land all year long. It has been, in a word, WONDERFUL.

I've already started working on trying to line up good fit for S for next year. I used to feel bad about speaking up about that sort of thing; but then one year, I learned a hard lesson about squeaky wheels and all that. So now I am the most annoying, squeaky wheel ever... though I'd like to think I'm a nice kind of squeaky. Probably still annoying though.  But I don't care... it matters too much.

I absolutely depend on good communication and being able to build a good relationship with my boys' teachers. If that's not possible, I feel like I'm flying blind. On one hand, I wish my kids could go through school like most others, without teachers needing to intervene quite so much (varying degrees with each boy, but they all get extra help and accommodations here and there) and without 504s, IEPs and team meetings. But on the other hand, these present kind of a great opportunity for you to really help a teacher understand your child.... beyond the 15-minute once-a-year conference.

4th grade, 1st grade, and Infants and Toddlers are on the verge of ending for us, which is so sad to me because they have ALL been so great. Come August, there will be all new everything. I worry about the unknown. But, every year, we have been greeted by new, equally enthusiastic and wonderful teachers and I decide two months in that I don't know how we ever lived without them.

So to all the teachers my boys have, have had, and will have. Thank you! This mom couldn't do it without you! (And uh....I'm sorry for all the emails....)  ;)

The One in the Middle....

Of all three of my kids, I actually worry about the middle one the most with regard to school and sometimes just life in general.  I have realized I am also, unconsciously probably, most protective about his privacy about what he struggles with.  (which is probably why it has taken until now for me to write about him here)

The other two have their struggles, yes but...  the oldest, B, is a model student, bright in all the traditional ways that teachers can easily see. He is unorganized sometimes and struggles with the social part of school now and then; but the academic world, overall,  is a very good fit for him.

J, I can already tell is going to be mostly like B, but likely with more behavior issues. (B is a rule-follower to a fault)  J isn't afraid to defy authority and doesn't always comply easily with things he doesn't find interesting. There will be issues, for sure... socially and behaviorally, but I don't worry TOO much about him not being able to learn or succeed in school. Despite all the talk about him needing help in kindergarten, I don't doubt that once we get him situated in school, he is going to take off just like B did.  (I hope those words don't come back to haunt me....)

S, on the other hand... his struggles are SO different and I still don't have a good handle on them. First and foremost, I should say, we KNOW he is intelligent. When we had him tested recently, some of his scores were well into the superior range. The problem is he seems to have trouble demonstrating this in a traditional school setting. He is very VERY slow and deliberate with everything he does. What he DOES have in common with B is his ADHD diagnosis, but that's more or less where the similarities end. The testing showed very slow processing, low working memory and fine motor problems, including dysgraphia.  (all testing jargon that basically means he is S-L-O-W) So in school, by all initial appearances, he is bottom of the pack.

Thank GOODNESS he had a teacher this year who was very open-minded about him and seemed to see potential when things looked pretty dismal. After she read his testing report, we worked together (along with the rest of the student support team) so come up with plans to tap into what we could see on paper he had in him. Those interventions have been amazingly successful. He went from reading at the lowest level at the beginning of first grade, to slightly above grade-level now. He went from barely being able to form letters, to being able to finally write without struggling to execute every stroke.  His teacher has also told me his math reasoning skills are on an entirely different plane than the other kids, so though he struggles to keep up with them much of the time, he definitely has gifts to balance this out that are only just now becoming apparent.

I feel like he is a kid that, just a decade ago even, might have gone overlooked as just a slow, possibly below average student.  On the whole, I feel like teachers are SO much more tuned into kids' different learning styles now and different types of intelligence than ever before. My children are amazingly lucky to be growing up right now as opposed to a generation ago. I have family members who can attest to this, as they were overlooked and under-estimated in school.

That being said, school in the traditional sense is NOT particularly ideal for him. If I had to craft a school just for S, everything would be hands-on with lots of experimenting and exploring.  BUT, I can't give him his own school, so I've realized I will always have to be proactive in fighting for him to be seen and recognized and as capable kid. Every year is going to be starting over with a new teacher and having to explain all that he will not demonstrate on his own without help. I promise you this is a child will grow up to do something creative or math/computer-related. He is a builder, an experimenter, and a doer and has been since he was just a toddler. He has SO much to offer. I just have to keep hoping and praying we get him teachers who can see it in him and are willing to work to help him show it.

This is kind of funny to me, but I feel like, in so many ways, my ASD kids will almost always have things easier in school and in life than S.  I also understand the other two better... how their minds work. I feel like S is a nut I can't quite crack.

I worry sometimes that we didn't quite nail EVERYTHING with the testing we had done. There are still things I see him struggle with that I don't feel like were really explained by what we learned. Swimming, for example. He can't coordinate his arms and legs moving together in the water at all... and when he tries it has a look to it that is just sort of... odd.  I feel like his struggles are always amplified to by the fact that almost EVERYTHING he is not so great at,  is something that comes really easily for his oldest brother. It doesn't seem to bother him... he's amazingly confident in himself... but I worry that someday it probably will.

I feel sad for S that he is the different one, the one who will probably struggle to keep his head above water in school all the time; but I'm sure it will somehow serve him well in life in ways I can't yet fathom.