Of all three of my kids, I actually worry about the middle one the most with regard to school and sometimes just life in general. I have realized I am also, unconsciously probably, most protective about his privacy about what he struggles with. (which is probably why it has taken until now for me to write about him here)
The other two have their struggles, yes but... the oldest, B, is a model student, bright in all the traditional ways that teachers can easily see. He is unorganized sometimes and struggles with the social part of school now and then; but the academic world, overall, is a very good fit for him.
J, I can already tell is going to be mostly like B, but likely with more behavior issues. (B is a rule-follower to a fault) J isn't afraid to defy authority and doesn't always comply easily with things he doesn't find interesting. There will be issues, for sure... socially and behaviorally, but I don't worry TOO much about him not being able to learn or succeed in school. Despite all the talk about him needing help in kindergarten, I don't doubt that once we get him situated in school, he is going to take off just like B did. (I hope those words don't come back to haunt me....)
S, on the other hand... his struggles are SO different and I still don't have a good handle on them. First and foremost, I should say, we KNOW he is intelligent. When we had him tested recently, some of his scores were well into the superior range. The problem is he seems to have trouble demonstrating this in a traditional school setting. He is very VERY slow and deliberate with everything he does. What he DOES have in common with B is his ADHD diagnosis, but that's more or less where the similarities end. The testing showed very slow processing, low working memory and fine motor problems, including dysgraphia. (all testing jargon that basically means he is S-L-O-W) So in school, by all initial appearances, he is bottom of the pack.
Thank GOODNESS he had a teacher this year who was very open-minded about him and seemed to see potential when things looked pretty dismal. After she read his testing report, we worked together (along with the rest of the student support team) so come up with plans to tap into what we could see on paper he had in him. Those interventions have been amazingly successful. He went from reading at the lowest level at the beginning of first grade, to slightly above grade-level now. He went from barely being able to form letters, to being able to finally write without struggling to execute every stroke. His teacher has also told me his math reasoning skills are on an entirely different plane than the other kids, so though he struggles to keep up with them much of the time, he definitely has gifts to balance this out that are only just now becoming apparent.
I feel like he is a kid that, just a decade ago even, might have gone overlooked as just a slow, possibly below average student. On the whole, I feel like teachers are SO much more tuned into kids' different learning styles now and different types of intelligence than ever before. My children are amazingly lucky to be growing up right now as opposed to a generation ago. I have family members who can attest to this, as they were overlooked and under-estimated in school.
That being said, school in the traditional sense is NOT particularly ideal for him. If I had to craft a school just for S, everything would be hands-on with lots of experimenting and exploring. BUT, I can't give him his own school, so I've realized I will always have to be proactive in fighting for him to be seen and recognized and as capable kid. Every year is going to be starting over with a new teacher and having to explain all that he will not demonstrate on his own without help. I promise you this is a child will grow up to do something creative or math/computer-related. He is a builder, an experimenter, and a doer and has been since he was just a toddler. He has SO much to offer. I just have to keep hoping and praying we get him teachers who can see it in him and are willing to work to help him show it.
This is kind of funny to me, but I feel like, in so many ways, my ASD kids will almost always have things easier in school and in life than S. I also understand the other two better... how their minds work. I feel like S is a nut I can't quite crack.
I worry sometimes that we didn't quite nail EVERYTHING with the testing we had done. There are still things I see him struggle with that I don't feel like were really explained by what we learned. Swimming, for example. He can't coordinate his arms and legs moving together in the water at all... and when he tries it has a look to it that is just sort of... odd. I feel like his struggles are always amplified to by the fact that almost EVERYTHING he is not so great at, is something that comes really easily for his oldest brother. It doesn't seem to bother him... he's amazingly confident in himself... but I worry that someday it probably will.
I feel sad for S that he is the different one, the one who will probably struggle to keep his head above water in school all the time; but I'm sure it will somehow serve him well in life in ways I can't yet fathom.
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