One of J's "things" is that I can't yell at him. Anything stated in a loud, authoritative tone and with exclamatory language like "Don't DO THAT!!!" or "Stop it RIGHT NOW!", or even a facial expression that shows anger causes him to melt down and things to spiral out of control. That's when he resorts to hitting and other physical behavior. Whereas, if I deal with the behavior calmly, it resolves very quickly and with very little battle of wills or escalating behavior.
This is not to say I don't discipline him. I have just had to learn new ways to do it. My face and tone have to be calm. Neither conveys approval of the bad behavior, they just have to be even and calm. It has been an exercise in patience for me! I try to remain expressionless but speak at a regular volume. Try doing that when your three-year-old is trying your patience for the millionth time in a day! Not easy...but it really makes a difference with him.
Anyway, so this is something I caught onto a long time ago with J and started implementing.
Yesterday, I was talking to a friend who works with ASD kids as part of her job as team chair at a county school and she was telling me about a 4th grader who has this very same issue! They've actually had to train the teachers how to manage his behavior with calm facial expressions and tone because loud, authoritative discipline is one of his triggers. Who knew this was even a thing? I just thought it was a weird thing unique to J!
Definitely something I will be cluing teachers into over the next couple of years... I think giving them this knowledge may nip a lot of potential behavior issues in the bud. Hm.....
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