Dear Swim Coach....

Dear Swim Team Coach,

I love that you don't run the swim team like the tiny, perpetually losing, mostly-just-for-fun country club swim team that it is. It's why we keep coming back. You took my fearful, anxious son and turned him into a swimmer and gave him the gift of a sport that, with the right encouragement, he just might do for the rest of his life.

However, it has been a full year since he last swam in a meet. So when he showed up yesterday for the first meet of the season, a mess of tears and anxiety, and I brought him to your office, I had really hoped you would give him a little more than just a dismissive, "You won't die." I just wanted you to listen to him for a minute. Give him a pep talk. I'm a little disappointed in you.

I know you were busy getting things set up for the swim meet, and I know you don't pander to crying kids...  it's part of what made this all work for B last year.  He needs to be pushed and he needs people to not play into his tears and his fears. I love that you made him swim butterfly last year as a new swimmer and didn't let him back out. I love that when he said he didn't want to to relays, you said "Oh well. You're doing relays!"

But what he really needed yesterday was to be reminded by someone whose opinion means something (a.k.a. not mom and dad) that he could DO this. That he already DID do this. That you needed him to get it together and play his part on the team because he's important.  It would have taken you all of two minutes and would have made a world of difference.

I keep reminding myself that you are young... that you don't have your own kids and definitely don't at ALL understand kids like mine.  I just wish I could make you understand just how much it has taken to get him where he is now....  how much he overcame just to get in that water last year, much less race. To you, I know he looks like a kid who needs to "man up" and be less crybaby about the whole thing. You just see he's a good swimmer with a ton of potential and you don't get why he'd have so much anxiety about it. Nope. You don't get it at all.

I'm not going to waste my time trying to make you get it either.  That in itself will be a life lesson for B. Not everyone he encounters in life will understand where he is coming from or the battles he fights with his own mind. Mom can't always follow behind him explaining to people that he has sensory issues, an anxiety disorder, and ADHD. Unlike school, life doesn't give out IEPs and 504 plans.

You are a good coach, I just wish you would take a little time to get in the heads of some of the kids more. It's not just B, they all could use a little more individual attention and encouragement.  These aren't the college swimmers you coach the rest of the year. Just a few well-timed encouraging words here and there could make the difference whether or not they stick with this sport you love so much.

Sincerely,
The Mom With the Crying 10-year-old